Fixture

With storm Frank in its last throes (I'd love to see the odds on us reaching storm Zaccariah by the end of Jan) the weather weren't actually that bad for the trip down to high flying Swansea Uplands. Unfortunately the lure of a trip to Amsterdam for the New Year and several late withdrawals meant we were down to the bare 15 and having to go passive in the scrums from the start. Jumping on the bus in Ynysforgan after watching Tank toot me as he went in the opposite direction i saw plenty of empty seats and the trip was made even worse by Docs rancid arse a legacy of his night on the beer. We arrived in the plush new uplands facilities and i couldn't work out why there was so many Greenpeace reps wandering around the changing rooms then i noticed Seven were sharing the complex and they were trying to return the ever expanding Dai John to the Gower coastline!! We eventually got out and looked at a fit looking Uplands team going through their warm up routines whilst we looked a bit ragged (my throwing in apart) to say the least. However from KO we got stuck right into them and were further cheered up when an early break and touchfinder led to Duncan going base over apex trying to stop in his duties as linesman. That will teach him for wearing trainers on the boggiest touchline I've seen for a while!! Early Uplands attacks were easily repelled and the excellent Hodge at 10 was putting in several relieving and probing kicks as our limited game plan nearly brought success. Adam Evans Doc and flying winger Pepsi all nearly won kick and chase compos to get over the line and Cons had several breaks from scrum half. Under the pressure we were exerting and the poor conditions Uplands struggled to put anything of note together and the only drawback we has was when Shaver told me i couldn't throw in no more after the ref pinged me twice for marginally not throwing in straight. Personally i thought the very unsporting Uplands pack who were like the seagulls from Finding Nemo at every lineout drowning out the calls were to blame but gracefully left Shaver take over! Winning our own ball we again looked to put a bit of width on it and Rhodri Pyart took the ball on and got owned by the big Uplands 8 who unceremoniously spear tackled him leading to a swift response of retributional justice by several Abercrave forwards led as always by Crazy Horse Ding who to be fair to him did stop from really following up with his initial response. When Uplands did break through it looked as if their winger would fly in to cesspit corner for the initial try but a superb tackle by Hodge knocked him into touch and after repulsing several forward urges Tom turned the ball over and we cleared to touch. Uplands had already brought on a few subs and were beginning to get a bit on top but at ht all they had to show for their efforts were 3 points for a penalty. Amusingly one of the subs was forced on after their winger tried to cut inside Doc and caught a swinging arm from the big man right in his cock we all knew this as he immediately cried out Awwww me cock before going off not long after. This could have been a cunning plan by him though as if Abercrave had a physio who looked like the Uplands physio half the team would be going off with a bad cock/groin.
We looked to keep up our pressure in the second half but Uplands were slowly grinding us down and a rolling maul saw them gain their first try that went unconverted. Undaunted we continued to press but we lacked the cutting edge and struggled to put the final pass into free hands. Uplands showed us how it was done by adding another try that again went unconverted indeed the full back in trying to convert injured himself and tried the same trick as the winger by claiming he'd pulled his groin. Now we were seriously under some pressure and Uplands added another try when their 10 aquaplaned over under the sticks and somehow managed to convert even from in front of the posts. They soon followed this up by gaining the bonus point try which again the 10 somehow managed to convert from in front of the posts. Harsh words were said under the sticks and we launched our final efforts to get something out of the game. A superb crossfield kick from Hodge almost set Pepsi free but he knocked on and full back Ducky looked dangerous running from deep but probably our best move was when Cedric runing from deep sidestepped to his left and right with no one in front of him before deciding he was George Norths 8 stone lighter brother by charging into his opposite number. Despite being held up the forwards arrived with some vigor and launched a fine driving maul which was stopped meters short. The big boys still provided plenty of grunt and Kelvan, Alex Dans and Shaver had several charges as did the hard running centre Doc but Uplands had the final word as they broke away for the final try. We still had one final drama as Uplands brought on their final replacement which our eagle eyed management team claimed was their 6th replacement he had also just finished playing for their seconds on the opposite pitch and was the twin brother of their starting 10. After much discussion he was forced off before the ref stopped play two minutes after to try and send him off again unfortunately it was the original brother who was still on not the intended replacement and the ref was forced to acknowledge his error.
Final score 34-0 to Uplands and perhaps not the final score our efforts deserved but a fine effort that I'm sure our small band of traveling fans appreciated. Huge defensive effort led by Doc, Pyart, Tom Price, Cons and Ding and a Celyn who only made it back from Amsterdam this morning and a never say die attitude by all the team means i can only salute you all for your efforts. Nice to see Dylan back too and he ran the water on all day with aplomb as he continues his journey to full fitness. Also nice to see Yosser watching and he showed Simon Daniels the ropes as usual by sinking a few rapid ones and much to Simons dismay his Guinness was £4 a pint bringing his poor Christmas to a halt as he also saw the club run out of Guinness twice over the festive period!
Mom must be close between Pyart, Cons, Doc and Hodge but I'd just see Hodge shading it twat of the match off the field must be Dunc for his classic 8.2 dive into the stinking mud and on field Pepsi for bombing our best chance!! Seriously though boys a superb effort by everyone who took the field speaking to the Seven management after the game they anticipated a hundred pointer watching both teams warming up and although the score did creep up towards the end of the game that was due to fresh legs and a bit of skill by Uplands rather than us dropping our efforts.
Finally a word on our near neighbors and changing room compatriots Seven Sisters who won their cup game with Uplands seconds 13-12 after losing their league game at the same venue 60-0 just three weeks ago a superb effort that I'm sure had nothing to do with Uplands firsts not playing on that Saturday!